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The Virtual Saint Wilberforce

3 Sep

In Paragon Station, tucked away behind the Larkin Statue there’s a machine which displays a video of this green coated 3D monstrosity claiming to be one living breathing up-to-date William Wilberforce (“I’m Hull through and through!”; “So, with others, I set about creating a movement, the first human rights movement in the world.” gives you a flavour). It’s supposed to be a tour-de-force of modern graphic wizardry, actually it’s quite poor quality and the damn thing doesn’t even come close to looking like Wilberforce and has more the look of Mr Potato Head. But that is only the beginning. All day long this ghastly display gives a repetitive narrative of self-encomiums. It’s good job he’s facing forward as the sunlight shining from his backside would be blinding. It is a truly awful thing to behold. It’s also an absolute bugger to photograph as well which is why if you care to peer at this guy’s armpit you will see my own balding potato head, basking in reflective glory.
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Fun on Ferensway

14 Aug

A bit of skyline on Ferensway with the St Stephens on the right, the arches of Paragon Station and the new coffee hut which seems to have no appeal whatsoever.

Are you aware of Hull?

20 May

Does a creeping, cold sensation grab you by the sensitive parts as you gradually realise that you are being seized with the gruesome realisation that you are ‘aware of Hull: UK City of Culture’? Fear not; you are not alone. According to the tiny Leader, some 53% of people have struggled to cope with this awareness problem, with even more suffering in the badlands of the “North”. There is only one cure but it is drastic and may be fatal. Go, get you to the godforsaken hole and disabuse yourself of all that nonsense, once and for all. Then let us never mention it again…

Ask a volunteer

26 Mar
If all this culture has your head in a spin and your can’t tell  your Amy Johnson from a wind turbine or your Humber Dock from the Marina then look out for a kindly smiling face in a light blue jacket and they will put you right or so I’m told. The Year of Culture, despite its millions of pounds of sponsorship, is depending on the unpaid work and goodwill of hundreds of these hardy souls. I think they get to keep the jackets. No, I’m not a volunteer (go on pretend to be surprised!); light blue is so not my colour!

Standing up for stuff

25 Mar

A small demo outside the railway station on Friday afternoon. They brought more placards than supporters which might be a bit embarrassing but they seemed more intent on a good chin wag than in letting the world know their concerns. The world, for its part, just passed them by.

The next plane to land at platform two …

19 Feb

Somehow a replica model of Amy Johnson‘s plane has ended up in Paragon Station. The cash conscious people at the British Science Museum refused to pay for the original to be smothered in bubble wrap and sent up North. (The hidden message being they thought it might get broken by uncouth Hullians! I don’t know where they might get that idea from.) So, instead,  this was built by inmates of the local prison. What a truly wonderful place this is!

Welcome to Dull

4 Jun

The above dull and uninspiring ticket office and waiting room at Paragon Station is to be removed to allow an even more dull and uninspiring set of buildings including shops and, wait for it, wait for it, … a coffee bar! Yes, if permission is granted, all this blandness will be Hull’s to enjoy by November in time for the you know what next year. I understand that the Edwardian wooden cafeteria below is a Grade 2 listed building (as is just about the whole station) but that won’t stop anyone bolting on a “glass box” to it with the aim of making a fast buck out of ‘culture’ would it?

Here’s a vision of the future brazenly stolen from the council’s planning portal. It’s just truly stunning and breathtaking isn’t it? What a fantastic first and lasting impression of the mediocrity of Hull it will give visitors over the coming years. Where else can one see such sights and imbibe the thrilling ambience of commerce and coffee whilst rushing for the train or bus out of this place? “Just standing in the paradise that was Paragon Station concourse was enough for me” as no-one is ever likely to say …