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Suffer the little children

4 Jul

So now there are eight reflection pools (at great expense)  in the space outside Holy Trinity Church now known as Hull Minster (which has more resonance?). Anyhow these are supposed to give people a “chance to reflect on their busy lives and their place in God’s world”. We could reflect that this space was used as a weekly market place but Hull Council decided against such a vernacular use and it has stood empty for twenty or more years. Yeah, well whatever: the people of Hull are now left with eight square puddles that refill every now and then and not surprisingly those who like that kind of thing like that kind of thing.
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Two Circles of Hull

1 Jun

So the promised fountains are in business. And instantly turned into some kind of amusement feature for screaming children to put on their cossies and splash around in the jets of foul smelling over chlorinated water. Cue jokes about the great unwashed of Hessle Road or East Hull (take your choice) getting their annual wash… Someday perhaps the novelty of these fountains will wear off but until then Queen Victoria Square, the centre of town, has been turned into a stinking nauseous pit of hell.

Tell me the old, old story

22 May
Tell me the old, old story,
  Of unseen things above,
Of Jeremy and His glory,
  Of Labour and Its love
Tell me the story simply,
  As to a little child,
For I am weak and weary,
  And helpless and defiled.

Tell me the same old story,
Sell me the same old view,
Tell me the stale old story,
 For the many not the few.

Over in east Hull the Labour Party treats its constituents like infants who should always keep a-hold of Nurse, for fear of finding something worse. And yet in east Hull and some other Labour places they seem to lap it up. I went to see Jeremy Corbyn at a meeting in town on Monday evening in Zebedee’s yard. I say I went but I did not stay and did not get to see the would be Prime Minister and hero of the working man. Zeb’s Yard is a horrible cramped place, totally unsuitable for a meeting. The goofy bearded loon or Great Leader of The Most Advanced & Unified Labour Party turned up half an hour late according the paper and still the large mass of deluded fools, sorry that should read devoted believers, comrades and acolytes, hung around for yet another thirty minutes before no doubt he incanted the ritual benediction: “For the many not the few”. Verily J C makes them whole.

Mrs May (“strong and stable”) in the poster is shown with Mrs Thatcher’s hair style. That’s just so original, so subtle! She is being a total mean bitch; taking dinners from hungry school kids and telling pensioners they’ll have to pay for their care out of the forced sale of their homes (neatly and rightly labelled a dementia tax) and wants to bring back fox hunting, in short saying the kind of nasty things you only say if you know you can’t lose and she won’t. When pressed she crumbles and stutters and seems to back track; she and the rest of this government are clearly not up to the job of leading anything but nevertheless she’ll win by a country mile. You see for the rest of the country the idea of Jeremy Corbyn as PM brings out that old fear of finding something worse…
My apologies to Katherine Hankey.  

Are you aware of Hull?

20 May

Does a creeping, cold sensation grab you by the sensitive parts as you gradually realise that you are being seized with the gruesome realisation that you are ‘aware of Hull: UK City of Culture’? Fear not; you are not alone. According to the tiny Leader, some 53% of people have struggled to cope with this awareness problem, with even more suffering in the badlands of the “North”. There is only one cure but it is drastic and may be fatal. Go, get you to the godforsaken hole and disabuse yourself of all that nonsense, once and for all. Then let us never mention it again…

… and still we wait

2 May

The promised fountains in Queen Victoria Square have yet to materialise. We are told by a Councillor that “The technology used to operate these features has not been used anywhere else,” and “So it that sense they’re unique. Issues around that technology are being addressed.”. Now as far as I know fountains have been around for thousands of years; how difficult can it be? You have water, you squirt it through a hole, repeat process until bored… These however are fancy fountains with bells and whistles, well coloured lights anyway as you can see in this article from a well known local newspaper. If I were a gambling man I’d put a small wager on these things working on and off for a season or two then being quietly forgotten and paved over.

…and also outside the Holy Trinity Coffee Bar the so-called mystical mirror pools are also still not in place (surprise, surprise) and guess what the reason is? “I can safely say nothing like this has ever been seen before in this country, if not Europe. I prefer to call them glazed paving. They are going to be mystical, magical and I hope quite special….” says the guy who sold these puppies to Hull City Council and “They are definitely the first of their kind in the UK and they’re here in Hull.” Yeah right, puddles with knobs on, can’t wait.

A host of godawful Lego bricks

16 Apr

I know, I know I promised never, ever to photograph them but there was no way I could stop Margot clicking away at these truly awful plastic daffs littering the street. And though Wordsworth saw ten thousand at a glance there are, thankfully, just a few hundred of these vile horrors clumped like dried green and yellow snot outside the closed down BHS store appealing to little brats to play chasing games around them. Just dreadful!

Say Bienvenue to The Hull Venue

13 Apr

I took this picture a few weeks ago and would have posted it but for a lack of anything to say. This is the Hull Venue rising out of the rubble of last year’s demolition. My problem was an earworm infection so all I could think of was “I’m a venue, how do you do?”… you see my formative years were ruined by Flanders and Swann, (worse, much worse than sex and drugs and rock and roll though obviously not as much fun).